So there seemed to be agreement on what direction I should be going with my blog. Everyone who answered (thank you all!) seems to agree that I should do a little of everything, so I took down the poll.
I've mentioned throughout the past couple of months my desire to quit smoking, and had even set a date. The date came and went, all I managed was to cut down. Well, that changes tomorrow. Tomorrow I quit. I started a new blog to cover my progress and to rant and rave about smoking in general. Check it out.
Right now, I am exhausted and looking forward to going to sleep.
Showing posts with label Must Get Healthy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Must Get Healthy. Show all posts
Friday, March 16, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
I Got Myself Into This
Well, I had set the date for me to quit smoking for tomorrow, but I have only a couple cigarettes left right now and no way to get to the store. So, it looks like I am quitting today instead. I'm a little freaked out about the change in plans; I wasn't prepared, but that's me, never prepared and always doing things the hard way, hmph.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Paying Attention to Coincidence
So after my two posts about quitting smoking I have had a couple of incidents that have sealed in my mind that now is the right time.
Coincidence #1: I am over at Miss Zoot's yesterday (This woman is an inspiration to me, and we have so much in common) and see a post about her struggle with quitting. I've been down that road so many times. Quitting is so hard, unless you're pregnant and puke every time you smell one. I should have stuck with that. That is the easiest quit I have ever had, but noooooooo, I like to do things the hard way I guess. So here I go again (Yes, that Whitesnake song is going through my head now...).
Coincidence #2: I finally got around to watching An Inconvenient Truth last night. Well, mostly watched between shifting the kid back and forth between Aaron and I so we could each eat dinner and watch the show. Anyway, The whole tobacco thing pops up out of nowhere. He talks about his sister's death from lung cancer. I was like, okay, what does this have to do with Global Warming? And then I went out to smoke. And then, I thought hmmm...second incident today about smoking.
I usually try to pay attention to the Universe when it throws things at me, it's hard not to when you are being hit by thrown objects. So I am gonna go with this one. I am not looking forward to the next week, but I have an arsenal and some determination. I'll probably post a whole bunch too, so be warned....
Coincidence #1: I am over at Miss Zoot's yesterday (This woman is an inspiration to me, and we have so much in common) and see a post about her struggle with quitting. I've been down that road so many times. Quitting is so hard, unless you're pregnant and puke every time you smell one. I should have stuck with that. That is the easiest quit I have ever had, but noooooooo, I like to do things the hard way I guess. So here I go again (Yes, that Whitesnake song is going through my head now...).
Coincidence #2: I finally got around to watching An Inconvenient Truth last night. Well, mostly watched between shifting the kid back and forth between Aaron and I so we could each eat dinner and watch the show. Anyway, The whole tobacco thing pops up out of nowhere. He talks about his sister's death from lung cancer. I was like, okay, what does this have to do with Global Warming? And then I went out to smoke. And then, I thought hmmm...second incident today about smoking.
I usually try to pay attention to the Universe when it throws things at me, it's hard not to when you are being hit by thrown objects. So I am gonna go with this one. I am not looking forward to the next week, but I have an arsenal and some determination. I'll probably post a whole bunch too, so be warned....
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Sometimes I'm Not So Smart
On April 21st 2006 I found out I was pregnant. On April 30th 2006 I smoked my last cigarette.
I quit because I had to; it was what was best for the health of my baby. I didn't really want to quit, and honestly, I felt resentful of the fact that I had to (addict logic, heh). So, I spent my entire pregnancy looking forward to the day I could light up again. I missed my venti, quad caramel machiatto and cigarette on my breaks at work and the relaxing smoke outside on my balcony. After housecleaning, an ice tea and a smoke. Nothing so nice as a cup of coco and a cigarette out on the balcony before bed. I also worried about my wieght. I gained 60lbs. with this pregnancy; weight I would not have gained if I had not quit smoking. I wondered how I would ever get back into my size 8 and 10 pants again. I obsessed over this for months. So when after I brought Baby G home and the breastfeeding didn't work out, at the first opportunity I had, I bought some smokes, and smoked them, and then smoked some more. Now, two weeks later, I totally regret my decision to start smoking again. What the hell was I thinking? I'm not enjoying anything about it. I have to wait for the opportunity to have one, and then find something to cover up with, either a sweater or jacket, so that I don't have smoke residue on my clothing. (Smoking outside isn't an issue for me because I have done it for the past 10 years.) After I smoke I have to go wash my hands and face and then put lotion on because my skin is so dry from the constant washing. I end up making Aaron wait to go to sleep after he has watched Baby G while I sleep so I can have my coffee and cigarette before he leaves me with the baby. No fun for anyone. Lets not even get in to the financial aspects of smoking when I can't afford it....There are so many other issues and problems this brings up for me. Day care options (I'm considering Nanny share care), playgroups, just being social, in California, with other parents. Being in California in general is no fun for a smoker anyway. So after two weeks of smoking I feel the need to quit, but this time it's because I want to, kind of.
The nicotine withdrawal is the easy part of quitting, that's what I don't get about the quit smoking aids with nicotine in them, none of which have ever worked for me. In about a week the nicotine is out of your system, you're done; after that it's all psychological, but that is the hard part, at least for me.
So in posting this, I'm hoping to hold myself accountable. I want something out there to remind me of what I was thinking about this morning....Now I have to go have a cigarette while I can......
I quit because I had to; it was what was best for the health of my baby. I didn't really want to quit, and honestly, I felt resentful of the fact that I had to (addict logic, heh). So, I spent my entire pregnancy looking forward to the day I could light up again. I missed my venti, quad caramel machiatto and cigarette on my breaks at work and the relaxing smoke outside on my balcony. After housecleaning, an ice tea and a smoke. Nothing so nice as a cup of coco and a cigarette out on the balcony before bed. I also worried about my wieght. I gained 60lbs. with this pregnancy; weight I would not have gained if I had not quit smoking. I wondered how I would ever get back into my size 8 and 10 pants again. I obsessed over this for months. So when after I brought Baby G home and the breastfeeding didn't work out, at the first opportunity I had, I bought some smokes, and smoked them, and then smoked some more. Now, two weeks later, I totally regret my decision to start smoking again. What the hell was I thinking? I'm not enjoying anything about it. I have to wait for the opportunity to have one, and then find something to cover up with, either a sweater or jacket, so that I don't have smoke residue on my clothing. (Smoking outside isn't an issue for me because I have done it for the past 10 years.) After I smoke I have to go wash my hands and face and then put lotion on because my skin is so dry from the constant washing. I end up making Aaron wait to go to sleep after he has watched Baby G while I sleep so I can have my coffee and cigarette before he leaves me with the baby. No fun for anyone. Lets not even get in to the financial aspects of smoking when I can't afford it....There are so many other issues and problems this brings up for me. Day care options (I'm considering Nanny share care), playgroups, just being social, in California, with other parents. Being in California in general is no fun for a smoker anyway. So after two weeks of smoking I feel the need to quit, but this time it's because I want to, kind of.
The nicotine withdrawal is the easy part of quitting, that's what I don't get about the quit smoking aids with nicotine in them, none of which have ever worked for me. In about a week the nicotine is out of your system, you're done; after that it's all psychological, but that is the hard part, at least for me.
So in posting this, I'm hoping to hold myself accountable. I want something out there to remind me of what I was thinking about this morning....Now I have to go have a cigarette while I can......
Sunday, August 07, 2005
What's a mental breakdown like?
Well, let me tell you...
The past couple weeks have been rough. I got that promotion, which is great, but I took a major step outside my comfort zone, being that I suffer from horrible panic attacks and social anxiety. Now I am out of my cave and working with...gasp...the general public. It has been a trying time learning new skills and testing my strength. My daughter is still here. I love her to pieces, but she is definitely a teenager and has tested me to the point of exasperation. Now, as we have finally found our peace with eachother, she will be leaving in two weeks. Add to this SCHOOL, and the daily grind and seeing family you miss with every fiber in your being and you have a recipe for total meltdown, or two days where you start crying for no reason and can't stop, while having to work and yadayada. After 9 months smoke free I started smoking again, and I am totally back to where I left off...half a pack a day. The last couple days have been pretty good, since I started smoking! UGH! Well, I have to get ready for work now. I don't know when I will get a free moment to post again, so I'll be back when I can.
The past couple weeks have been rough. I got that promotion, which is great, but I took a major step outside my comfort zone, being that I suffer from horrible panic attacks and social anxiety. Now I am out of my cave and working with...gasp...the general public. It has been a trying time learning new skills and testing my strength. My daughter is still here. I love her to pieces, but she is definitely a teenager and has tested me to the point of exasperation. Now, as we have finally found our peace with eachother, she will be leaving in two weeks. Add to this SCHOOL, and the daily grind and seeing family you miss with every fiber in your being and you have a recipe for total meltdown, or two days where you start crying for no reason and can't stop, while having to work and yadayada. After 9 months smoke free I started smoking again, and I am totally back to where I left off...half a pack a day. The last couple days have been pretty good, since I started smoking! UGH! Well, I have to get ready for work now. I don't know when I will get a free moment to post again, so I'll be back when I can.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Walking is good
Just back from a nice walk this morning. Muscles are tingly and I'm ready for a shower; this wasn't a leisure walk, lol. Off to shower and get ready for another day on the job...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Quick note before work
I just wanted to post a quick update before I get ready for work. I am so sore from the 3 hour walk on Sunday. Then yesterday, after dinner, Aaron said "want to go for a walk around the complex?" and I said "sure, sounds good!" I am now in pain!!! My legs hurt so bad. Which means I will have to do it again tonight. It's all good though. Maybe some of this darn weight will come off. I'd love to be able to fit onto the closet full of clothes I have. Right now I have two pairs of pants and a few shirts that fit, and I have a huge wardrobe. But, I know...I quit smoking, blah, blah, blah.....Okay, done being vain ;) Off to work I go.....
Friday, June 10, 2005
Just a quick note...
before I head to bed. Got the new fridge today. It really is new. We thought it would be one they just took from another apartment, but nope, it is actually brand spankin new. :)
I survived the overnighters at work and actually felt productive. Got to work from home today on a project for my department.
Aaron took me shopping to get clothes that fit (I also snuck in a little shopping at Newport News tonight online *shhh*). I've been trying to squeeze myself into my jeans everyday, and it just wasn't working anymore :(; I almost called in fat to work on Monday (no kidding). I think I have the smoking thing conquered, so now I need to work on eating better and moving around more. It's hard to find the energy to move around more when you are on your feet all day to begin with. I'll probably never be a size 8 again, not as long as I don't smoke, but if I can at least be a fit size 10 or 12, I'll be content.
I'm freaking out about the weekend. I am behind in class and have a papers due both Saturday and Sunday! *pulling hair out* Got to get to sleeeeeep..........
I survived the overnighters at work and actually felt productive. Got to work from home today on a project for my department.
Aaron took me shopping to get clothes that fit (I also snuck in a little shopping at Newport News tonight online *shhh*). I've been trying to squeeze myself into my jeans everyday, and it just wasn't working anymore :(; I almost called in fat to work on Monday (no kidding). I think I have the smoking thing conquered, so now I need to work on eating better and moving around more. It's hard to find the energy to move around more when you are on your feet all day to begin with. I'll probably never be a size 8 again, not as long as I don't smoke, but if I can at least be a fit size 10 or 12, I'll be content.
I'm freaking out about the weekend. I am behind in class and have a papers due both Saturday and Sunday! *pulling hair out* Got to get to sleeeeeep..........
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